Random Summary Ramblings

by Ahn Wee

If 2012 was my year at love then 2013 was my year of heartbreaks, and if 2013 was a year of heartbreaks then 2014 was a year of just being me.

A year of me failing and eventually succeeding.

Which makes me wonder now what has 2015 has in store for me?

I wish I could enumerate every damn thing that has happened but it feels too damn tiring to go through it cognitively speaking. I mean, I got my heart duped by a douche I knew since highschool and I was a fool enough to think the years we had known each other would spare me from his immaturity but no. I wanted to be genuinely loved but he was just looking for a rebound for a girl he would never have, and if it went any longer he would have had himself a martyr too.

To make it worse, it was the lowest point in my life not because I was not loved by a man that I wanted to have but that at the end of it all I didn’t really feel I had the support of my friends—except my mother, and sometimes my sister. At the end of it all I didn’t only fail at my friendship but that I also failed myself. I unwittingly took my self-worth a few bars lower than I deserve. So when I missed my expected graduation date and extended a semester later, I vowed to stray away from my ex, and my friends who made me feel nothing but shit. A few stupid flings later 2013 became 2014 and I learned that if I don’t fight to make something out of myself, I had nowhere to go but trash. And so I got stronger, pulled my shit together and tried a bunch of things to get me going.

I got a job at a call center to save money for my masters.

I took up the civil service exam.

I applied at my old alma mater.

I applied at my dream work place.

Guess what? None of them worked. I failed the civil service exam, and the money I earned from my temporary job? I gave it to my mother so that she could fix our drainage problem in our house but that didn’t stop me from trying again. For the span of 6 months I was not at all hired I was just bumming around and reviewing for my board exam.

Instead I decided to quit from my dead-end first job, and enrolled myself in a review class for the Psychometrician board exam. I also unfortunately reconnected with my old friends but you know what? Forgiveness actually paid off. I passed my board exam with my own hard work and the support of my friends who initially let me down. I learned that you know what, if I can’t even be perfect myself then I have no right to cast judgement on others. In fact I realized that this one particular friend whom I’ve always felt like she worked my self-esteem to smithereens actually help me in a sense that from being pressured to succeed I found myself a diamond within me. She was heaven sent after all and I was just busy thinking ill of everyone who approached me. It was an act of tough love all along. In fact she even helped me get a job that would really help me grow as a person.

Which leads me again to the year of 2015. If 2014 was my resolution of being me then 2015 has to be the year of greater positivity. That’s my new year’s resolution, and yes once again I intend to get started on my master’s degree this year and I know this time this is for certain!

I don’t know what 2015 has in store for me but I know I will brave it through and work it to my favor.